my thoughts on life.

our proposal story. 04/03/10

I woke up on Saturday morning like any other day. I had crazy dreams the night before and texted my boyfriend ryan to let him know that i was up earlier than normal. Little did I know that he was planning quite the day for me… and me being up so early really threw his plans for a loop!

What Ryan knew that I didn’t was that he was going to ask me to marry him that day.

I went back to sleep and woke up to my mom coming into my room w/ a video camera filming me and asking me lots of questions. She said that I needed to watch a video on my laptop — the video was of Ryan explaining that he had lunch ready for me downstairs and that I needed to be ready to go at 1:00pm. My parents would be driving me to the proper place & i would need to bring my laptop and camera. 

i went downstairs & there was a gorgeous bouquet of flowers on the table. a dozen roses and lots of pretty purple flowers mixed in with greens. i opened the fridge and our special “eleven salad” was in there and i freaked!! it’s my favorite! all of my day was recording on the flip camera (thankfully) & then i got ready to head out to my next place.

my mom and dad drove me to Golden Living - where Ryan & I first met. On the way, we listened to a cd Ryan made for me to listen to with some very special songs :) casey was waiting for me @ Golden Living with a video from a co-worker of theirs, Jake Schlegel, talking about how Ryan used to come into his office a year ago when he first met me saying how he was in love and wanted to be with me. Casey then gave me a gift - Aladdin… another special thing between Ryan & I : Disney :)

next, we got back in the car and headed to Carol Ann Cross park. I had to watch another video from Ryan on my laptop as he explained what JUST happened to me (such a good planner) and said he was excited to see me later. At the park, my sister, Jason, & baby Bella were all waiting for me @ me & ryan’s special bench at the park. They read a note from Ryan explaining what that place meant to him & gave me 2 Denver Broncos pilsner glasses — awesome!! we took pictures & then ran into Ryan’s parents.

i then changed cars and watched another video from ryan on my laptop. he once again explained how i just saw my family and was with his parents in their car now (:sigh:)… and then we headed to our next spot: Wells Lake. 

At the lake, Kelly (Ryan’s sister), John & Zachary were waiting on me by the dock. Kelly read a note from ryan explaining how this was our meeting spot when we had important things to talk about and a place for us to get away. they gave me chocolate covered strawberries sent from ryan & there was diet dr pepper w/ a bendy straw waiting for me in the car!

I watched another video from ryan after this - as well as a video he made me with all our pictures over the past year with some videos of us goofing around. the background music was songs we know & love very much… 

we then drove to Bell Park in Greenwood where Ryan’s brother, Stephen, picked me up in his truck and drove me down the road to the spot where Ryan & I had our 1st month’s celebration… this is also where we danced for the 1st time. Ryan’s other brother, Jonathan, was there and played the same song we danced to that night long ago, and Ryan & I danced in the same spot this day ((let it be known that I REALLY thought he was going to propose right then)).

he then walked me back to his car where he said he had a gift for me. he gave me a bag & inside it was a hoodie that said Mount Magazine & a thimble from there, too. we then took the drive up to Mount Magazine - laughing & goofing around the whole way!

when we got there, he made me put on a red blindfold (razorback colors of course)… and led me for what seemed like forever. when we finally got to the place, he took the blindfold off of me and it really looked like I was staring at the Atlanta skyline. My favorite building in Atlanta was right in my face on a huge banner hanging over the place where ryan & I had our first kiss. he then got on his knee and asked me to be his wife — !!!!!! my ring is better than i could ever imagine. i LOVE it!!!!!

he had a photographer there (Devin Kuhl - awesome!) to capture the moment and get some great photos taken around the gorgeous scenery. When we walked back up toward the Lodge, I realized that both of our families were there & we all got to eat dinner together there.

we drove home together and talked about how much he had to lie to me over the past couple months. he did a TON of planning for this day, and he made it so incredibly special. 

I feel like the most loved woman in the world, & I’m so excited to get to share the rest of my life with Ryan Keith Feero. We have set our wedding date for December 11th, 2010 and are so excited to get to plan for this incredible & monumental day in our lives. 

Just joined today!

called to holiness.

“Therefore, preparing your minds for action, and being sober-minded, set your hope fully on the grace that will be brought to you at the revelation of Jesus Christ. As obedient children, do not be conformed to the passions of your former ignorance, but as he who called you is holy, you also be holy in all your conduct, since it is written, “You shall be holy, for I am holy.” 1 Peter 1:13-16

-In my own words, these verses could shape my life : Be ready for anything. Be alert and awake at all times. Put all your hope and trust in God alone, and realize the gift God will give you when You see him. Obey God. Don’t go back to the way you used to live. You were dumb and ignorant then and didn’t know any better – how much better of a life should you be leading know that you have the knowledge you have been given? Be holy in everything you do. God said, “I am holy; you be holy.”

Holiness means “apartness,” “sacredness,” “separateness,” “of God.” We are called to be SET APART from the world. And this verse says, “preparing your minds for action”… not resting, chillin, coasting, easy-living…ACTION. This means work, passion, sacrifice. It says to be “obedient children.” This means to take what we know and APPLY it. I’m tired of people thinking that saying you’re a Christian means anything compared to living like one. Some people think that Christianity is found in the times of being on stage or starting a revival or being a pastor or undershepard or main part in the drama or any position that gets recognition. LIES. Christianity is not based on man’s approval or praise. It is based on living a life that resembles Christ’s love and character. Christ never wanted the spotlight – he only wanted to shine the light of his Father. If that meant that people followed him, then He never took the credit for it – He only praised God more because of it. (“He is never closer to the devil than when he wants credit for what he does” –Billy Graham).

This does NOT say – You, pastor, shall be holy, for I am holy…or You, worship leader, shall be holy, for I am holy…or You, undershepard… You, evangelist…You, published author…You, missionary… It just says YOU. That 2^nd person plural pronoun means all of us. YOU, 11^th grade football player, be holy. YOU, remix leader with no title about to quit, be holy. YOU, masters commission student who is tempted to coast along the year, be holy. YOU, junior high girl who thinks no one loves her, be holy. YOU tech crew member who never gets any recognition or praise for what you do, be holy. We are ALL called to be holy no matter who or what we are. God didn’t pick and choose when he made this declaration; he made it widespread. There is no condition or prerequisite for this call – it’s not just for people going into the ministry or people who want to lead worship…the choice is for everyone. “I am holy; you be holy.”

Why do we have the thought in our brains that pastors or people in authority above us have it easier? We think – “Wow, they are SO good and know so much…God has something special in them.” Yeah, you’re right – God has placed something special in them, but He’s also placed something special in you – and it’s up to YOU to choose to obey that calling…of holiness. Did you ever stop and think that pastors weren’t always pastors? They had to have had a life before preaching every week and ministering every day – really…think about it. They were probably once just like us…but they chose to live a life of holiness to get where they are right now. It’s not like God just says – BOOM…you’re holy now. No! Holiness is a process of hard decisions, tremendous sacrifice, and separateness. How can you change the world by looking just like it? How can a pastor lead a congregation if he is doing the same thing they are? How can I expect to reach my friends if I listen to the same stuff, watch the same things, talk the same way, and live just like them? I can’t. I have to be SET APART and live a holy life.

David did. He was a Shepard before he was a King. The thing about David is that he lived his life as a Shepard as if the position were that of a King. He took pride in his work. He was diligent in everything he did with those sheep, being careful not to leave behind a single one. He was faithful in the smallest things, and THAT is why God gave him such a promising future. Some of us think we are too good for the job of a Shepard and that is why we will never live the life of a King. Did you get that? Some of us think that we are too big, too good, too mature, too old, too young even, too dignified, too spiritual, too whatever to work with the sheep…but you’ll never see the throne if you don’t take care of the sheep. That’s the holy life God has called us to. David took care of the sheep like he was already on the throne – why don’t we live our lives like we are already living the destiny God has called us to?

I want to be a holy woman of God – leading people to Christ with my love and integrity. I want to comfort people who are hurting and live my life solely for God. Why don’t I live like I am that woman now? When will I ever move forward if I continue living the same way I am now? I’ve been called to be holy – set apart…Why do I continue to be the same girl if I want to be a different woman. I need to live like that woman I want to become lives. What would a holy woman of God do in this situation? What would a holy woman of God say? Some of you want to be pastors, missionaries, master commission students, etc. – that’s awesome. Why are you waiting to live the life of a pastor until you become a pastor? That makes zero sense. If you want to become a pastor, live like a pastor would right now. If you want to be the best masters commission student, live like that right now. You will never become what God has called you to be if you wait until you get the title to start living that life. In fact, you probably will never get that title.

We think that getting up on a stage and having a microphone shows holiness…people who get up and talk about God’s word and scream out His message//people around us who talk so loudly about God’s word//people on TBN who broadcast 24/7 on Christ’s love - - being public doesn’t make them holier. Fame does not make a person better or holier or greater than another person. Getting up on stage at a 180 service does not make a person better – we might look at that person more and think what they said was good…I know anytime I am asked to speak on stage, I feel completely unworthy. I do it because God can use me, but still – I feel like I am so not even worthy to be up there because of the caliber that is set with the leadership above me that speak every Wednesday and the lives of holiness they lead. Their communication skills or innovative messages did NOT get them on that stage…their holiness did.

Holiness is not found in speakers, microphones, megaphones, or amplifiers…it is not proclaimed, projected, yelled for everyone to hear, or bragged about. Holiness is found in quiet times…when no one is around…when you could get away with anything you wanted…when you could easily justify your actions…when you think -  ‘this isn’t that bad’…when everyone you’re with is joining in…when it’s dark and no one can see…when you’re entirely alone…when you have to make a sacrifice…when it hurts to do the right thing…when it costs you something. That is holiness. It is when we start living a life like this when God can use us for what we have been made to do…

I will be a holy woman of God – so I will start living like one today. It’s the only way I will get there and receive the promise God has for me.

God said, “I am holy; you be holy.”

This call for holiness is for everyone – how will you respond?